A writing initiative on Instagram #mayonthemove2023

PROMPT: SELF
posted by @overloadedsteph on Instagram, April 30, 2023

Here’s mySELF, two different versions at exactly the same time.

Having felt very tired today and also kind of intimidated by all the brilliant thoughts and writing, I’m keeping my spiel short ’n’ sweet.

I’ve decided that I see “self” as something we assemble, like a puzzle (I do love puzzles so this works for me).
By assembling the pieces, we try and get to a complete picture. Once we’ve managed to connect all the corners and then the edge pieces, we feel like we have a basic structure to build on. Of course, from time to time someone or something will knock into our puzzle and some pieces will break off, and then we have to crouch down on the floor and locate them (and all the fluff and crumbs and pet hair that come with it).
Some parts of the puzzle are colourful and easy to assemble, and then we take a break and admire our handiwork, until we get to the hard parts, you know, where it’s just shades of blue or grey that take ages to fit together. But it feels so good when we’ve done it!!
Invariably, and often totally inexplicably, there’ll be missing pieces that we swear we saw just earlier. Or pieces we’ve put in the wrong place and don’t realise this until we’re much further along, and then there are whole sections that need to be changed around.

But in the end, it all makes sense. Even if there’s a piece missing (at least that happens with my puzzles pretty much every time, #isitevenapuzzleiftheresnopiecemissing).

I always expect that I will find that piece at some point, maybe years later, in the most unexpected place, maybe behind a couch cushion. Or in a shoe (true story).

But I’m totally okay without that missing piece, too. I love my puzzle just the way it is.

PROMPT: ENERGY
posted by @overloadedsteph on Instagram, May 1, 2023

Here are some pictures of things that give me energy: being in nature with my dog, laughing with friends, fresh food & drink.

Energy is such a vital part of my life right now. Which sounds weird, since energy is always there, is what we breathe, is what we are. But because of this ubiquitousness, we sometimes forget to look after it.

Having experienced total burnout last year — mental, emotional and physical — I decided to change a few things and focus on a more intuitive rather than cerebral approach to life.

After all, we don’t THINK energy, we FEEL energy.

My favourite discovery in all this is reiki — per definition a Japanese energy healing technique, which I can’t stop gushing about. Even after just a few sessions, I feel like reiki is helping to restore my spiritual energy, which in turn nourishes me on a mental, emotional and physical level.

Have you tried reiki? How did it make you feel?
I’m hoping to learn a lot more about it, and energy healing in general.

PROMPT: GRIEF
posted by @overloadedsteph on Instagram, May 4, 2023

What is grief?
The short version: Grief is an instance of intense sorrow.
The long version: is so much more complicated.

Grief comes in so many guises that sometimes you don’t even know it’s grief you’re dealing with.

It took me a long time to realise that what I was feeling after moving so much, was grief.

It was thanks to my American therapist that I learned that a) what I was going through was grief and b) I had a right to call it that.

Growing up, I always thought grief was solely reserved for people or animals passing, and anything else didn’t count as grief. But oh, how I’m grieving the places I’ve lived in, the places I’ve left, friends I’ve lost along the way, events that I have missed…. the list goes on. I think (no, I know) that we expats feel grief on so many levels.

I would also like to share actor Andrew Garfield’s thoughts on grief. When he was asked about his mother’s death by Steven Colbert on The Late Show (you can find it on YouTube), Garfield replied: “[It] is only a beautiful thing. This is all the unexpressed love, the grief that will remain with us until we pass. Because we never get enough time with each other. […] I hope this grief stays with me.”

I, too, hope that however painful it is, I will never stop feeling grief — it’s a sign that I have loved, and lived, and by acknowledging it, I know that this love will always be my companion. I will never be alone.

PROMPT: STRANGER
posted by @overloadedsteph on Instagram, May 9, 2023

I hugged a stranger today.

My teenager got naturalized this afternoon — to the non-Americans, naturalization means the official bestowing of American citizenship. The room was full of mostly young adults accompanied by at least one of their parents — I guess they set the appointments so there’s a similar demographic, and if you’re over 14 but under 18 you need to bring a parent or legal guardian.
This is a pretty momentous event, even if the too-cool-for-school poker faces of most of the teens were trying to tell a different story from their parents’ excited expressions.
Looking at all those strangers’ faces, I thought how fiercely united people can be in a moment, even if they don’t know one another.
When the ceremony was over, everybody took pictures under the American flag, and then left.
On the way down in the elevator, one man in his thirties, who must have been the only person in the room who seemed to be all by himself, was staring at his naturalization certificate, shaking his head and a massive grin on his face, and his eyes were shiny with tears. “Congratulations”, I said and smiled at him, and he smiled back, wiping his eyes. “You don’t have anybody here with you?” He said, no, just himself. “Do you want a hug?”, I asked and he just reached out his arms. We hugged, a proper, warm bear hug.

I’m not a hugger, let alone a stranger-hugger. He didn’t feel like a stranger.

PROMPT: FAMILY
posted by @overloadedsteph on Instagram, May 9, 2023

My family
I love how my famiiy is the most solid thing I have in my life, and yet is constantly changing. Family members come and go, sometimes they’re relatives, sometimes they’re friends, sometimes they’re pets. I love the fluidity, the blurring of lines, the crossing of bloodlines.
I miss the ones that have left, but I’m always excited for the new additions.
There’s a different energy around different family constellations, and that is exciting to me.
I love how being an expat has given the term extended family new meaning.
I wish I could have all my family in the vicinity.
I love all family members but I love some more than others.

PROMPT: REMEMBER
posted by @overloadedsteph on Instagram, May 9, 2023

When we were at the US Immigration and Citizenship Services office today, I remembered the last 13 1/2 years and all the steps that led us to this day.

I remembered the day we went to the US Embassy in London to apply for our visas.

I remembered the day we went for fingerprinting and all that jazz when we applied for our Green Cards, in California.

I remembered the day my husband became a US Citizen. There was a picture of Trump on the wall.

I remembered the day I dropped my oldest child off at USCIS in Texas to pick up their naturalization certificate — it was during COVID and I wasn’t allowed in. It was a quick in-and-out job, no ceremony.

I will remember today, when my youngest got hers, there was a picture of Biden on the wall, and I hugged a stranger.

I will remember feeling a little left out. I’m the only one of us who is not a US Citizen (yet). I wish Germany would hurry up and make it easier for people like me to have dual citizenship.

I will always remember feeling grateful that my children have so many opportunities.