It’s happening. The contents of our house are being loaded onto a truck as I write, and our new life in Texas starts on Sunday (I guess it’ll be just me, the girls and the cat on that plane, while the rest of the States is glued to their television screens for Super Bowl Sunday, including my husband, who’s decided to drive all the way to Texas, and will chase the moving truck). As I still, in all those 6 years, haven’t been able to partake in the general football fever that takes over America around this time of year, I booked those flights completely oblivious to the date. But of course that could be explained by my general loss of sanity those last few weeks. It feels like with every piece of our earthly belongings that is loaded onto that truck, a piece of my sanity goes with it. God knows what state I’ll be in by the time I actually get to Texas…..
I’ve been so busy those last few weeks, organizing, packing, cancelling, registering, lunching, saying good-bye, and generally wrapping things up that I’ve hardly had time to think. And as our stuff will turn up early next week, I’ll go right back into unpacking, etc. Walls need to be painted, items purchased, school bus routes researched…. no time to reclaim my sanity for some time yet.
Moving is such a deeply unsettling experience, whether you move countries, states, or just down the road. But moving to a completely new place definitely adds a huge emotional twist, and I know what I’m talking about. There’s been many a night recently when I would wake up in the early morning hours, drenched in sweat, questioning our decision to leave California. What on earth were we thinking? What possessed us to think upsetting everything would be a good idea?! What normal person would do such a thing?! The thing is, part of me is calm, because after all, I’ve done this before and know how to deal with all sorts of situations. But the other part of me is terrified, precisely because I’ve done this before and know what’s to come in terms of emotional turmoil.
But I guess it’s my dark side that craves this. It’s like a drug. That delicious, terrifying, stomach-churning sense of encountering the unknown. Sad and scared to see the familiar go, leaving my comfort zone, yet all geared up for new things. Starting from scratch. I’m ready to jump.